I really wanted to write about something pertaining to relationships and so I decided to write this post. If you have a very active social life or you observe other people who have a social life, you can understand that every relationship has its own unique dynamics. However, I won’t be talking about the dynamics here. This post is more related to the whole ‘I am single by choice’ mindset that’s present in a lot of people.
I don’t know whether it’s the environment we live in or the TV shows or books that we read, but a big part of growing up is defined by us being able to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. High school can be a bit*h! Everyone tries to find their own identity and at the same time fear the possibility of being tagged a loser. Most of us don’t pay attention to being called a loser or a nerd. However, a lot of teenagers work hard to fit in and this can sometimes contradict with who they are as individuals. Anyway, let’s skip to the relationship part of the discussion. We all know that if we like someone, we are supposed to approach them and convey our feelings and hope for the best. We can be straight forward and talk to them or be more romantic and give them a card or sing them a song.
Yes, there’s always the possibility of rejection and it’s a major factor that stops people from conveying their feelings and then there’s no guarantee that the relationship will work. You can breakup in a week, a month or even a year, if not sooner. This is where the whole ‘Single by choice’ people come in. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being single and enjoying some self-time. What is wrong is the mindset that a person has when he or she is single.
As far as the psychological knowledge that I have, the most important thing, when it comes to people, is the mindset that they have. There are people who are single by choice and there are people who set themselves up for a relationship disaster and they just give up. So, do you see the difference here?
Being Single by Choice
I am all for being single by choice. There is nothing wrong with being single. Some people spend so much time in trying to find the ‘right person’ that they forget to give time to themselves. The truth hits them hard when they breakup and they don’t have anything else to do. They realize that they haven’t spent enough time with themselves.
Have you ever asked yourself questions like: Who am I? What do I like or dislike? What do I want to do with my life? Etc.
Seriously, when was the last time you sat but yourself and thought about yourself?
There are a lot of people who jump from one relationship to the next. As soon as they breakup, they look around for the next ‘Mr. or Mrs. Right’ and that seems to be their ultimate goal in life. However, there are also people out there who have taken a kind of a break from the whole relationship debacle. It has been said that you can’t love someone else unless you learn to love yourself. You need to work on yourself if you want to properly work on any relationship you are in.
The mindset of people who are single by choice and trying to find themselves in this world is a positive thing and everyone should try it. It will provide you with a lot of insight regarding who you are. It will even provide you with the chance to do something productive with your life.
Setting yourself up for Failure
There’s also another set of people who tell that they are single by choice. However, there’s more to the story. These people have given up on the whole relationship thing which isn’t quite healthy when you think about it. It gives rise to the question regarding why people seem to have given up. There are a lot of people out there who set themselves up for failure and this directly relates to the mindset a person has.
Whenever they pursue a relationship, a hundred of questions flood into their mind. Even if they like a person they begin to make a list of things that they dislike about him or her. They also begin to think that they aren’t worthy of being in a relationship and that everything will end soon. Such people would rather sit alone in a room and feel depressed rather than go out there even if it means that they will be faced with rejection. Not only that, they don’t even utilize all of the alone time in something productive. They don’t work on the issues they have or spend time on some hobby of theirs.
They will keep saying that they are single by choice. However, deep down they are single because they don’t think that they are worthy enough to be in a relationship and they have given up on finding someone. They prefer to lock themselves away from even a relationship that has the potential to work just because they feel that they will screw things up.
Well everyone is a bit anxious when they are in a relationship. The trouble occurs, when you yourself try to sabotage your relationship by feeling unworthy or not putting in any effort. Such people need the all the help they need in order to boost their confidence. Life isn’t a movie and that’s why not all of us can find the right person on the first try. There will be a lot of rejections out there. However, you need to know that somewhere out there, there is a Mr. or Mrs. Right waiting for you. All you need to do is go out and find them.
So, ask yourself. Are you currently single because of your own choice and you are using the time productively or do you think you are single because of your own choice but in reality you suffer from the fear of rejection and that you aren’t worthy to even be in a relationship?
Don’t get me wrong. There are still a lot of other reasons why someone wants to be single or thinks that he or she wants to be single. I have just tried to write about the two things I felt were important for all of you to know.
This is your life and you have the right to spend it how you like it. You need to be able to find who you are as an individual and this in turn will allow you to live a productive life.